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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Pet Stories.. Continued!

I enjoyed so many of your stories about your animals, I decided to tell one more- hoping you all have some more too!
Our first dog, the Airedale Tillie (AKC name- Milady Matilta Goldry) was a piece of work... We were newbies to the breed, and didn't know how much like a mongoose on crack they were! They aren't stupid, but by choice, they act like it! Here is my story, funny but true..
1. The Dog Who Locked Me Out Of The House..
It was a beautiful summery day, when my wife declared she was taking the kids to what we call "Festival" in Grand Rapids.. It is a time of ethnic food booths, free shows offered on stages- of kids, dancing, singing, and acting.. Later, bands, singers, other performance acts- more for the adults.. I told her, I will meet you down there in a bit- I wanted to sunbathe, listen to Jimmy Buffett music, and have an adult beverage or two in the back yard, totally undisturbed by life and it's complications! Our old slider window was worn, and the lock didn't work, so we had a stick, cut the length of one slider door we would use to "lock it".. I know you all see this coming..
My great first dog Tillie, wanted to come outside with her master, and was prancing around by the the closed, but not blocked slider. She hopped into the stick, it tipped over, and landed directly in the slider guide- to lock me out of the house!
No extra key(like I have now!), no unlocked window(which I have now!) I was sitting on the front porch, when my seriously pissed wife came home... "Where were you??!!??" she yelled.. "The dog locked me out of the house".... "Drunk again? You Bastard!"... It ain't easy bein' me... I was framed- by a friggin' dog!

29 comments:

Hit 40 said...

Me First!!!!!!!!!!

I thought you were going to say that the window fell on the dog when the slider thingie fell out. I am glad that you were locked out instead.

"Drunk again? You Bastard"... love it!! I enjoy calling my hubby a cheap ass bastard :-) Does she also call you minute man???

Hee hee.

Kate said...

I missed the pet stories! As I'm sitting in the kitchen earlier today, snip, snip, snipping away at the horrible mat of fur my long haired cat has on his back. He apparently got into the dirty dishes in the sink because there's disgusting slimy crap that he must have rolled around in and then decided to roll on the carpet and mat it. He's going to look awfully funny when I'm done.

blueviolet said...

I love how she told you off but it was the dog's fault!

buffalodick said...

Hit40- I hope someday we meet, as you are a woman that seems to enjoy others distress...Used to take a minute, and at least one of us was happy! And if I am a bastard, you are a bb-i-tt-cc-hh... I can't say it, as I am a gentleman.. True story, and it is still not easy bein' me..!
Kate- Animals love me, as I have about the same I.Q.! I actually love and understand the beasts, and they seem to know it..
BlueV- She only chews my butt when I got it coming, but I have been blamed and framed many times in my life- and I wasn't even in town that day!

Hit 40 said...

I need to come up to your next bbq contest. LMAO!!! I did not call you a bastard. Your wife did!!

buffalodick said...

Hit40- A lightweight like you at an all night bad man event?... well, just sit in a corner and look cute.. I know you could manage that! You could be my wife's relief person, when she gets worn out chewing my butt!

Donna-FFW said...

You sound like rodney dangerfield with that line.:)
Like you better however.

buffalodick said...

Donna- My kindred spirit! Rodney was a saint! I love humor and one-liners! Quick wit is a sign of intelligent life on our planet! I like you too, for many reasons!

G-Man said...

Why did she say Again?

Mona said...

yea. What Galen said...

deb said...

so did you say f' it and enjoy the day anyway. i'm hoping you had a libation cooler packed with you outside.
or did you panic the day away anticipating the wife's wrath?

buffalodick said...

G-man- I would never say I hadn't fallen from grace, only once..
Mona- I think every wife that visits this blog is going to give me grief about this!
Deb- When you're doomed, you don't dwell on it..

TavoLini said...

Oh dear--I have also been locked out of the house by a dog!

A snowy January saturday, around 6 am. I open the front door to grab the paper, and my roommate's dog RUNS out and books it directly towards the street. I run out after him and the door clicks shut behind me. One of those old doors, that requires a key to open. So I'm barefoot, in an old t-shirt, trying to chase down this crazy dog. Thank goodness for our friendly neighbors!! I stayed at their house for 6 hours, waiting for landlord to come unlock door. Ugh! Huskies are such crazy dogs!

Akelamalu said...

He he he, are you sure you didn't train the dog to do that Buff so you didn't have to join Mrs Buff??? ;)

Here's another story about our 'human' dog Guinness.

I told Guinness to stay off the furniture every morning when I left for work which I thought he did because we never caught him on it. One day I got to the top of the street and realised I had forgotten something so I returned home. As I opened the lounge door the sight that greeted me was Guinness lying on his back on the sofa with his legs in the air and his head on a cushion enjoying the sun streaming through the window warming his crown jewels! The look of shock on his face as he realised I was there was a sight to behold - I had to laugh! :)

buffalodick said...

Tavolini- It must be a Michigan thing... :)
Ake- That dog was reincarnated as an Airedale living with me!

JihadGene said...

It ain't easy bein' me...LOL!

Rodney Dangerdick!!!

buffalodick said...

Gene- You do manage to crack me up! Best way to earn my respect!

Marjie said...

Mongoose on crack, eh? Great description of their personalities!

buffalodick said...

Marjie- Being hyper myself helped me understand them better...

KB said...

Least you weren't naked.

buffalodick said...

KB-A pair of running shorts, and that was it!

Mango Girl said...

Install a pet door; that way when you loose you spare key and the other window gets locked, you have a plan "D".

Yeah, I liked Rodney Dangerdick...hehehe!

Are all left handed people opinionated and double jointed like us?

LiLu said...

Ahahaha! Oh man... those are the kinds of things that seem so obvious... AFTER they happen to you.

buffalodick said...

Mangobabe- I am the most left-handed person you will ever meet, but I notice- left handed people seem to be at a disadvantage, but really have the advantage!
Lilu- To foresee this one, was impossible! I now have house keys on all key chains, and one in the garage!

Heff said...

Never been railroaded by a dog before, but that's a DAMN good excuse to use, lol !

buffalodick said...

Heff- Tops "The dog ate my homework", but no one believes me anyway...

Katherine Aucoin said...

Oh buff, this is too funny..."Mongoose on crack", what a classic!

buffalodick said...

Katherine- I have also referred to her as a saw horse, thrown in front of you to trip over- all day long!
Food post coming in an hour!

Jen said...

Love this story. I can just picture your wife furious. You're a hoot!