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Sunday, March 08, 2009

From Retro Man To Gizmo Guy, And The "V" Story..


Thursday, an older friend of mine brought in a little espresso machine to our buffet. He didn't use it, and wanted more storage space at his place- and wanted to give it to me free! It's an older model, but I couldn't just "take" it for nothing! I was playing a Keno ticket at the time, and when I turned it in- I had won $20 bucks! I gave my friend the $20, and we were both happy! I hadn't bought a gizmo for the kitchen for a year, then in the span of one month, a new dehydrator, a slow cooker, and now an espresso machine! I would have taken a photo of the unit, but it still needs a little cleaning up...
In a totally unrelated subject, last week K (Interstitial Life Feb. 27th post) Commented on a doctor that was running a special on vasectomies during March Madness.. Smart doctor! Good marketing! I just made me reminisce about the time I made that decision... Funny story, but you be the judge..
My wife and I decided two boys were enough, and we decided it was a lot simpler for me than her to get the square knot tied. As we were both in our late 20's, my doctor had a rule that he counsel us, and make sure this is what we wanted. After that, we set a date for the out-patient surgery. I showed up from a 1/2 day of work, and said "Let's do it!" He asked if I had driven myself to his office, I said yep. Local anesthetic only, no knock out drugs.. He did the deed, then said "Jump off the table".. I informed him I wasn't "jumping" anywhere! To my surprise, there was no pain! I asked him about that and he answered;"That's because the twins are still numb" He looked at his watch and told me to get moving, as I would not be feeling too spiff in about 20 minutes...His last instructions were to take it easy, use a lot of ice, AND DON'T GO ANYWHERE! I pulled into my driveway hitting both gas and brakes like they were unstable high explosives. I poured myself a gin and tonic the size of a fish bowl and drank it faster than the gold fish would have.. I then informed my wife I was going to the gun club's poker/raffle night. Talking to me when my manhood to endure pain is questioned is a bad idea. Played cards all night, caught a few hours sleep, and got ready for my bosses Wedding Anniversary party- of which I was the photographer. Got home. By now I am hurting, as you would expect!
Because of my total disregard of doctor's orders, I had to wear a jock for a month. Taking a shower meant holding them up with one hand while I washed with the other. Walk? Yes. Jog? No! I won't go into detail how embarassing it is to stand in a clinic with a "sample" while a good looking nurse asks how old it is.. I won't into how a month later my youngest kicked me in the groin while we were playing on the floor, and they turned black and blue.. I won't say a lot about going back to the doctor about this, just to be told what I had was a good, swift kick in the Ba*ls!
Other than that, I must give you one Opinion, and we all are not the same so don't take this wrong... Mother Earth only can support "X" amount of people, let's not find out what that number is the hard way...

41 comments:

doggybloggy said...

well, that was enough to talk me out of that procedure...

Akelamalu said...

We were in our late 20's too when MWM had the snip. Like you he had a local and boy was he sore when it wore off!

I admire any man who decides to have this op it shows courage and courtesy in my book!

buffalodick said...

DogB- I'm hear to tell you, I wish I just would have stayed home that week-end!
Ake-Ironically, my wife had hormone problems a couple of years later, and they had to move the "furniture out of her playroom".. We always tell my youngest- "You were so homely, we both got fixed!"

K said...

So proud to have inspired this post.

Let's for sharing the big V story with us.

Maybe next time you'll listen to the doctor?

buffalodick said...

K- God bless you, but you don't know me or men when you say "Listen to the doctor!"

CDB said...

Gin, tonic, guns and poker.. what better combination could there be? You make Darwin proud. (:

There was a man from Michigan
Who loves to drink his poker gin
Then he went snip, snip
And said with a quip
"I'll take this like a man: on the chin!"

Jeff B said...

I had the same procedure done a few years back, but I thank the Lord I had the good sense enough to go home to my recliner and a bag of frozen peas.

buffalodick said...

CDB- Cute! You owed me a Limerick, I believe...
Jeff- I would have if I had to do it over!

Odat said...

Hi Mr. Gadget Guy........
Hehehe.....is what i judge the story to be......
Peace

Lulda Casadaga said...

Ouch...it's makin me cringe over here and I don't even have any balls! :D But, I do believe in your final political statement about how we are overpopulated already.
Global warmers talk about cow shit causing the problems...what about that human dung! Something to ponder on this warm Monday! ;)

Belle said...

Ooooh. I was holding my balls through that entire story...

Kate said...

All three times I've had oral surgery, somehow I talk my mom into taking me shopping and somewhere along the way, I just collapse and she has to get a wheelchair and take me home. When I got my gallbladder out, there was nothing doing. She wouldn't take me to the mall for NOTHIN.

buffalodick said...

Odat- Cleaning up the espesso maker as we speak.. Glad you liked my story- I am indeed my own worst enemy!
Lulda- Darn near every problem mankind has right now was made by people...
Belle has "chimes"?... Just kidding! I surprised my wife hasn't sold mine on E-bay...

G-Man said...

Nice story Buff...
I have that exact kitchen gizmo!!
Haven't used it in years..hahahaha

buffalodick said...

Kate- I know people who faint at the sight of blood, and my sister is a borderline hypocondriac... I'm kind of the opposite...

buffalodick said...

G-man- I'll probably use it a few times and put it away, too!

Just telling it like it is said...

Buffalo: sounds just like you taking one for the team...
Sorry I had to laugh just a little...

buffalodick said...

I took one for Mankind! Hoped you laughed a lot!

Chef E said...

Being a female I do not own any of them down there, but now felt after reading this someone just ripped them right off! OUCH! Thanks for sharing :) and have fun with the new gizmo...I am laughing, but I did have my square knot after two...

JihadGene said...

Well, the piece started off with an espresso machine for $20 and we wound up with a vasectomy testimonial. That's good writing!!! JG

You writing be Numba #1 in Norf Korea Mr. BuffaglowDick!!!

Great Reader, KIM Jong IL
DickTator DPRK 90210

buffalodick said...

Chef- It wasn't a bad day- but the following week....
J.G.- I'll do a two posts in one once in a while!

Stephanie Faris said...

OUCH. I'm just going to also say that I think doctors should not run specials. Period. I'm very uncomfortable with getting something so important after it's been advertised as "on sale!"

buffalodick said...

Steph- Good point! Remember the line uttered just before the space shuttle took off in "Armeggedon"? Paraphased- "10,000 parts to this thing- that went to the lowest bidder?"

Vodka Mom said...

omg I am so sorry but i was LAUGHING and LAUGHING through your story!!

ouch!!!

MarmiteToasty said...

I would of done it for you, crushed them ripe plums between 2 bricks, you wouldnt of felt a thing LOL.....

Now, see who is the stubborn one.... me thinks you are more stubborn then me...... :)

x

buffalodick said...

VodkaM- Drives me nuts! Most women immediately want to give a guy symphathy when he has been hurt, rather than laugh at a funny story! You, on the other hand....
Marmy- They aren't called "The Family Jewels" for nothing! Reminds me of a joke where the nun ends up bangin' the stooges together, sayin' "Don't-you-ever-do-that-again..(the "-" are the punctuation of the diction...

Bina said...

It's amazing how many men get this done rather than the woman because they think it will be easier on the man, but I have never heard a 'good' story about the man, but the women I know that had it done? Down a day, and that's about it.

My poor husband. When he had his done, he didn't go numb all the way before they started, and he about jumped off the table, knocked the tools every where, then almost passed out from the pain.

buffalodick said...

Bina-Well, I did notice when Doc yanked a certain way, it felt like somebody hit me in the sweet spot! i think you are too kind and giving for your own good! I confess, that is an attractive trait!

Heff said...

So that's why you don't call yourself Buffalodicknballs, huh ?

Emily said...

Yikes! Sounds painful!
I like Heff's suggestion... hahahah.

Nice epresso machine! I love espresso.

CDB said...

Ha! Who knew that about oyster crackers? Thanks for solving the mystery via comments. You really ARE a wealth of knowledge... Vasectomies and oyster crackers.

buffalodick said...

Hef- Gun still shoots, just not live rounds...
Emily- I don't know if you're old enough to comment on this! Espresso with your baking treats would be elegant!
CDB- You would be astounded at my knowledge of metals!

Donna-FFW said...

My sick husband had this proceduredone, listened to docs instructions, but can I tell you thatvery same night of the procedure, he made me make sure it would still work. I did just that and yes, it still worked. Oh you men, you kill me, but I love ya's.

pinknest said...

aaaaaag!!!! um, ouch. horrors! now get to making that espresso!

Mona said...

wow Buf! Is this a commercial for family planning? :)

buffalodick said...

Donna- I won't deny I was concerned about that too! First time after operation, I was as careful as I would be with a porcupine....:)
Pink- Your delicate young ears should not have heard this!
Mona- In my own, weird way- yes!

snowelf said...

Hey UncleBuf,

So does this mean you're inviting us all over for dessert and coffee? ;)

That story was a story and a half! Wow!! I'm glad you finally recovered--but it sounds like your boys went through some major trauma!

--snow

TavoLini said...

Hmmm...I don't think I'm going to let Tavo read this one ;)

buffalodick said...

Snow- Amswer me.. where's your blog?
Lini- You guys gotta have a kid first! Just so he/she can meet their Crazy Uncle Buf!

snowelf said...

What? You can't get to my blog?? Are you kidding me??

I'll email you.

--snow

buffalodick said...

Snowniece- No, I'm not kidding! I am missing you, and do not know why I cannot reach you though your blog! I can not protect you if I can't access the blog! If you care, please check this out!