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Friday, February 20, 2009

Mini-meme Time! Two Simple Questions...

This could be very funny today! We all have had kitchen disasters, and we've all had funny moment in a restaurant... What I ask today is two questions;
1. What was your biggest home cooking disaster?
2. What was your funniest out of the house dining experience?

I get to go first!
1. When we first got married, like all newly wedded young people, we were finding out our roles in our marriage. Division of labor, etc. My wife was a wall papering fool, as was her sister! Having no money to speak of when we got our first house, a lot of do it yourself was involved in fixing it up. Her sister and husband were to help us wall paper a kitchen.. We got out one of our fancy new wedding presents- a Crockpot! My wife made spaghetti in it, following the instructions to a tee- except the part where you boiled the pasta in another pot, adding it on the end. She threw everything into that miracle of technology, and let 'er go for about 6 hrs...
After working all day, we got to feed out helpers and guests a version of Italian Poi... It was a goo that compared nicely to the wallpaper paste we had been using all day! This is about the time I thought; "I gotta learn to cook!"..


2. My wife's 50th birthday, she can go anywhere in town for dinner- my treat. She chooses a Chili's that just opened not too far from our house... I'm like "you're kiddin"... she says nope, that's where I want to go. We arrive, and it's obvious these people weren't ready to serve anybody anything! They put us in a quiet booth, and it was quiet- for about 1 minute... That's when an entire Little League team descended on our non- smoking section! During the ensuing chaos, the restaurant's smoke alarm went off.. Apparently the rookie cooks were using it as a timer for the food.. The food was late and horrible, the atmosphere was as described- and my wife was informed she would go where I take her next year, as choosing privileges were revoked!
I have many stories about similar incidences, I hope you share some of yours today!

36 comments:

Real Live Lesbian said...

Great stories! Too many times I've been bombarded by the ball teams. And the kids aren't the worst!!! It's the adults!

Glad you learned to cook. Sounds like it was a requirement! ;)

buffalodick said...

These kids were not even sitting in the booth... running up and down in the aisle.. Wife now does approx. 3% of the cooking- supervised!

K said...

Answer to the first one is easy - grease fire - enough said.

doggybloggy said...

for me it wasnt a cooking accident but it was a kitchen fiasco - I was a kid and I had made an invention that required electricity - I plugged it into the outlet on the side of the stove and thats all she wrote...

restuarant was a problem and I was the culprit....I was a waiter in college and I dropped a whole tray of drinks on one of the female patrons - she scooted her chair out and bumped me but that fact was never addressed - dry cleaning bill up the wazooooo

buffalodick said...

K- Once I changed a propane cylinder without turning off the grill... still have the burned tablecloth, and still get crap about it from all the other chili cooks...
DogB- That's what I'm talkin' about! Nothing like a cold, wet bitch that's pissed!

Jeanne said...

Kitchen disaster. Hmm, where to start?

I was 10 or 11, first learning to cook, and I accidentally blew up a bowl, injecting shards of glass into my sister's derierre.

As for restaurant disasters, the worst, hands down, was when my youngest stepdaughter was working as a waitress and we chose to visit her store and sit in her section. I'm not sure she knows this, even today, but she's the waitress from hell. She didn't refill Old Dog's coffee cup the whole night, she argued about what we wanted to order ("that's not very healthy") and every time she dropped by our table she bitched about how much her feet and back hurt. We left her a big tip, because she's our kid, but found it easy to understand why she never made tips comparable to the other waitresses.

buffalodick said...

Jeanne- Even I, on a bad day, did not blow shards of Corelle Ware glass into my sisters ass! That's funny!
Our kids both worked at food joints while in High school- we refused to go into them because we knew what would happen!

Dana said...

1. When I was ... hmmm ... maybe 10 or 11? I baked (and decorated) a Valentine's Day cake for my parents (we had heart shaped pans). When it got to the decorating portion, I didn't have enough room to write "Valentine's Day" so instead wrote ... are you ready??

HAPPY VD!

My parents laughed hysterically when they saw it and my little feelings were so hurt because I thought they were laughing at my efforts.

2. Just recently, husband and I went with another couple to a very exclusive steak house. Our waitress came to the table looking very pale and a bit confused. Half way through her introductory spiel, she started getting wobbly. Husband had to get up and grab her to stabilize her, then walked her to the front of the restaurant. EMT's were called, and the GM of the restaurant ended up being our waiter and comped part of our dinner for "saving" the waitress.

buffalodick said...

Just what I was looking for today! Excellent stories!

Beth said...

oh gawdddd...
biggest disaster: my grandma was in the hospital, dying from cancer. just me and Rae at home. Thanksgiving. My mom shows up with her "husband"..both drunk. Burned the turkey, "husband" made country gravy, with the burned remnants in the pan. AWFUL wallpaper paste. Then they got in a fight and left....and I had to clean up a dirty, dirty kitchen. HORRIBLE.

2.funny dining experience: on vacation. Get to virginia, kids are little and they are hungry. We go to the restaurant in the hotel,(it's about 9pm)...they are in a hurry to get out of there, and I guess the waiter thought my youngest wasn't eating fast enough...so he comes over to the table and STARTS FORVE FEEDING HIM HIS FOOD!!! Just picked up the fork and tries shoving it in his mouth. We still talk about it to this day!!!

G-Man said...

I have always cooked on a Weber Kettle. About 10 years ago I was visiting friends and they coerced me into cooking some delicious looking strip steaks. The only problem was, all they owned was a very cheap 89 Dollar gas grill from Big Lots. Not being skilled on propane, I promptly charred 25 bucks worth of steaks to a crisp!!
Yep Buff, Charcoal is my fuel of choice to this day....
As far as dining out? I'm not too picky. As long as someone else is cooking, I'm pretty cool with that.
Have a Great Week-End....G

HoodChick said...

1 - This is not a single incident. My husband likes salmon patties. I asked my mom how to make them, and gave it a try. They were horrible. I thought I must have done something wrong. I tried a second time. Terrible. So I went to his mom and asked how she used to make them (because she never cooks anymore.) I made my third attempt, doing exactly what she said. I was then asked to NEVER, EVER make salmon patties again in my life.

2 - So many. The worst was probably when Smokey Bones opened up. We went there with the BIL and his date. My husband was eating baked beans and pulled a piece of metal out of his mouth. It resembled a small, broken off allen wrench. Luckily he didn't break a tooth or anything. The manager treated us like we were making it up to try to get comped and all he gave hubbie was a free dessert.

MarmiteToasty said...

Putting me thinking cap on....... I will be back..

x

buffalodick said...

Beth- That was a bad scene at your house! Once when our kids were high chair size- the restaurant put us in our own room, as the kids were both hungry and crying!
G-man- I've been asked to step in and help cook at about every party we go to! Grilling steaks on propane can be dicey...
Hoodchick- twice in a row I screwed up apple crisp- before I figured out the recipe was written down wrong! Smokey Bones is the worst BB-Q in our town!
Marmy- I'll be here...

Helene (the Artist Formerly Known as Kate) said...

OMG the chards of glass comment/story was great... well not great but funny to read about...! lol

My first turkey I roasted with the packaged parts still in there. The stuffing tasted like paper bag! lol

Heff said...

Huh. I usually have a good experience at Chili's.

http://heffsbarandgrill.blogspot.com/2008/08/heffs-30-mile-radius-restaurant-review.html

snowelf said...

Uncle Buff... you know I got stories...

Back one evening I was making a grilled cheese sandwich. Our kitchen was next to our family room and I could see the stove from where I was instant messaging someone about a story I was writing. I went into the kitchen to check on the grilled cheese and it was not even close to being done, so I left it and headed back over to the computer.
A few minutes later, I looked up to find smoke and little flames leaping forth from the pan. I screamed, ran into the kitchen, grabbed the pan by the handle, threw it into the sink and turned the water on.
The fire went out quickly and no damage was really done.
I was still married at the time, and my husband was also in the family room at the time, but he had been watching TV while I was one the computer. A good ten or fifteen minutes later he turned around to look at me and said "Hey...is something burning?"

Restaurants... I've really never had bad luck in that I can remember. (I will tell you, I have a BIG pet peeve about people who let their kids run around in them, so I am VERY strict about my chilis behavior when we are out to eat.)

--snow

buffalodick said...

Kate- I'd love to know how many people have done that!
Heff- The place had been open about 1 week- they weren't ready yet!
Snow- As you know by now, most burnt food was the result of someone not watching it cook! When our kids were small, we made sure they were under control too. This just was the evening for Hell...

Maddy said...

Brilliant!

1. I couldn't cook but we had a pressure cooker and no money. I tried to make Tapioca Pudding but it burned and caramelized on the bottom of the pan, about 2 lbs of gelatinous goo. My 'then' husband said I had to eat it all so that next time I'd learn how to make it properly.

2. We took my youngest son out to his favourite restaurant for his birthday. At that time the only 'restaurant' food he ate was french fries. Because all the orders came with several tonnes of French Fries we decided we wouldn't order him a dish of his own because there would already be a tonne of 'waste' as the servings were huge.

He also only drank water [no ice] When the order arrived we asked for an extra side plate for him. When they brought it, he explained that it was his birthday treat. The server looked at us as if we workhouse jailers with all our own food and the birthday boy had only a plateful of other people's french fries and a glass of luke warm water. [he was as happy as a clam!]
Cheers

buffalodick said...

Maddy- good to hear from you! Your first story makes me want to kick your first hubby's ass... But the second story is easily the funniest to date! "Please sir, more gruel?" You couldn't make this funnier if you tried!

Roger said...

1) The day I cooked some macaroni and poured it into a glass dish that was in the freezer... cracking noise then crashing glass!

2) The day I stopped at a restaurant when I was young guy, forgot my wallet I realized during the meal. Ripped my pants almost all the way off trying to make a getaway out the bathroom window.

MarmiteToasty said...

When I first got married I had no clue about cooking.. was never allowed to do it at home and then when I left I squatted and lived in me tent until I house shared.... I mean I could do the very basics BUT..... one evening about 1 week into getting married me Tosser X asked if I fancied egg on toast, he meant for me to do it LOL..... so like the newly little dotting wifey I disappeared into the kitchen.... I was determined that I would not break the yoke of the eggs on his toast lmfao...... well, almost 18 eggs later with each yoke that broke so to me it was not a proper fried egg, I binned it.... he got fed up of waiting and came in investigate and said some not to nice things so the last half dozen eggs I lobbed at him lmfao...... he went down the chippie for his tea......... it should of been a sign........

I would of been married 28 years yesterday LOL.... phew.... lucky escape or what...

The eating out thing was when a group of us all use to once a fortnight go to the Indian Cottage at Horndean for a curry and a great evening.... well one of our maties had lost an eye a few years previous with a BB gun accident...... and this one night he took out his glass eye and placed it in what was left of his rice and when the waiter came to clear the table he screamed and screamed, cos me maties said 'I cant eat this there is something hard in it' so the little Indian bloke poke the rice with a fork and uncovered the eye LOL

Happy Sunday dear you, tiz almost 9.30pm here and winding down for a busy busy day tomorrow, not that today was not busy what with the builder in and out all day......

x

MarmiteToasty said...

Bugger, sorry that was way to waffling long LOL

x

Vodka Mom said...

oh my God, too many stories to choose from. Let's see, I set the stove on fire cooking chicken, and the fireman said that we really DIDN'T need them.

buffalodick said...

Rog- both classics! Michigan still needs you!
Marmy- you are a piece of work, in any country! You ned an understanding person like me!
VodkaM- _Too many stories?.. Tell one! You are one of my favorite writers!

MarmiteToasty said...

:) thats it, Im just misunderstood LOL

x

buffalodick said...

Marmy- My misread friend forever.. It ain't easy being me, either!

MarmiteToasty said...

Peas, thats what we are LOL two peas in a mis-shaped world :)

x

buffalodick said...

I hate peas.. we're more like rudabagas..I hate them too come to think of it.. Fruitcakes! That's it! Fruitcakes...

Bina said...

1. What was your biggest home cooking disaster?

The first time I tried to make fried chicken. I had NO idea, and figured it couldn't be THAT hard, right? Until the chicken pretty much caught on fire and the inside was still bleeding. But hey, you live and learn, right? And now I make GREAT fried chicken!

2. What was your funniest out of the house dining experience?

The time my youngest son cut into his roll at Logan's and YELLED "OH MY GOD! THERE'S A HAIR ON MY ROLL!" The manager ran over and said anything we want, we can have, but that doesn't include alcohol. You would have thought my son was bit by a freking rattler or something.

TavoLini said...

LOL!!! Great stories :)

1. Oh boy, there are many. Honestly, I think the fact that my mom had oven fires (from broiling nachos) about once a month really inspired me to start cooking.

2. The scariest one was my fault. I was working in a restaurant and draining and ENORMOUS vat of pasta--and spilled boiling water all over myself and my coworker. Ouch! This is why you wear closed toe shoes!!

Chef E said...

I worked at Jack-in-the-crack when I was fourteen, had personality so they put me on the drive thru...went to hand a lady her big hamburger I forgot to put in bag and it flew out of the wrapper into her, yep, but they did not fire me...I had personality :)

My biggest with hubby was when no one told me, cause I did not have a recipe or know about them, that fava beans grow three times their size and I put it into osso bucco and lets just say I felt like Jill and the Bean Stalk later that night, but hubby then boyfriend ate it like a champ, and I gagged...I am a much better person for that one...

Chef E said...

That might not have been a 'real' kitchen disaster, but we do have a microwave that knocks out the whole damn circuits if you use it for more than four or five minutes at a time, and the breaker is behind a coat closet inside the wall storage behind a lot of stuff, and guests in our house find out the hard way until I taped a note on the door of the darn thing...that is it no excitement around here, since the kid moved out...

buffalodick said...

Bina- Poor kid, poor restaurant!
Tavolini- You would have made a great defender of the castle!
ChefE- I made a handsome living on personality all my career, and never had to wear a name-tag.. I am grateful for that!

MarmiteToasty said...

Wondering what the hell rudabagas are LOL....... sounds like something one might keep down their knickers :)

Fruitcake.... I LOVE fruitcake and I think it suits us both LMFAO

Me Uncle Dave, when I was a kid, would always say to me 'you're as nutty as a fruit cake' :) and I LOVED me Uncle Dave..

x

buffalodick said...

Jimmy Buffett has a song called "Fruitcakes" listen to it sometime on youtube!